Why You Can't Stay Motivated (And What Actually Works Instead)

Thinking about softening into strength instead of forcing myself into it.

Looking at myself in the mirror. My body's changed over the last few years since conceiving my youngest baby.

Yeah, I miss my muscles. I miss the body I knew.

I miss being pain-free. Flexible. Limber. Strong.

I'll tell you what I don't miss:

Going to the gym, lifting weights 3x my size, stressing myself to reach some ridiculous goal I set for what?

For what reason?

To prove what?

How strong I can be?

Yeah… I'm not for that. It makes working out suck.

And I miss the days when working out was fun because I was doing it for me.

Loving on me. Loving moving my body.

Feeling and looking good in my body and knowing—I did that.

I showed up for me.

Something that can't be taken away.

I got me.

Until I let me go…

To tend to everybody else.

To take on their beliefs about who I should be. Who I am.

To absorb their definitions of DeShonna Rose.

Following their rules of how my life should go.

And my soul cried out—

And I silenced her, the louder those outer voices got.

Till I nearly and completely lost her.

Till she was so far deep down in me, I couldn't hear her anymore.

And I just became a bot.

A shell of people's opinions.

Standing and sitting crooked, trying to hold my flesh up for anybody else but for who it's for.

No wonder it's heavy.

No wonder I'm tired. Beat. Exhausted.

Unrecognizable.

The Body Keeps the Score (Frfr)

So… I'm standing here straightening out my spine after poor practices of not standing in my truth—and it physically manifesting.

I've got some hip shifts goin' on, and I'm standing on my less dominant side to strengthen it back up—so my right side no longer has to overcompensate and can rest.

So my pelvis can balance itself back out.

So I can get rid of some of this lower back pain.

So I can squat.

So I can open my hips and roll back my shoulders.

And sit down long enough to write this blog post without my nerves pinching my spine.

So I can walk evenly and feel fine instead of discombobulated and disconnected, waiting for the wind to knock me around at any moment again.

Mmm-mm. Nope.

I'm grounded now.

Pelvis planted in the ground.

Strong and steady—and soft.

Now it's just my branches blowing.

Fire and flowing and dancing with life.

Letting her take me where she wants me to go because that's who I do this for.

So when the wind blows, it be my branches that move wherever they go,

And I stand stern in my me—without a fret or fear—

Because I know who I am and what I'm here for.

In that, I trust.

And I crave it more and more.

Motivation vs. Self-Efficacy

Got me thinking about my health psychology study right now on motivation.

We're reviewing internal vs. external motivation—and how it almost never works to rely on the latter.

In case it's not apparent, I'll explain:

When you rely on external motivation—needing others to cheer you on, push you, clap for you, see you—it's not sustainable.

Because what happens when they stop?

But when it's internal?

It doesn't matter if nobody claps.

You go because it matters to you. Because it's aligned with you. Because you want it.

A Look Back

I'm reflecting on my relationship with motivation, and it's been internal for most of my life.

I started dance class at 4 because I wanted to.

Played sports because I wanted to.

I rest because I need to.

I've done things simply because they've meant something to me. They mattered.

But somewhere along the way… I got tired.

The world wore me out. And that drive? Buried.

Not lost—because I wouldn't feel so much if it was lost.

Wouldn't fall into depression.

Wouldn't feel this anxious.

I care too much.

And when motivation got hijacked by survival—

By bills and burnout and doing what I "have to do"—

It stopped coming from me.

No wonder.

Go figure.

The Power Is Still in You

But I know it hasn't died, that internal fire.

Because I'm standing here now—in the transition.

Out of survival mode and into something more sustainable. More aligned.

And I'm remembering…

That time at high school softball tryouts.

Only went to get away from the dance team drama (lol).

But I wanted to move—so I found another way.

And baby, we worked out HARD.

Southeast Texas heat and humidity.

Crunches. Push-ups. Laps around track under a scorching sun.

Girls were droppin’, moanin’, strugglin’.

And me?

Despite being outta shape and underfed—

I was eating it up.

I endured.

I pushed.

I made the team.

Second base and left field. Something I had never done in my life.

And it felt good.

Because I remembered: I can do anything.

It really is a matter of mind.

But how do you embody that when your mind’s like… "Umm, no"?

That's where self-efficacy comes in.

A Slice of Self-Efficacy

It's not just about believing you can do something.

It's about proving it to yourself through small, intentional choices.

So, how can you start?

Choose something simple that matters to you.

Build self-trust.

Say you'll drink a glass of water before bed?

Do that.

Because you care about you. Because you love you.

And if that's hard to believe right now because you're still in "prove it" mode?

Then, prove it… to you.

Show up.

Be the one you've been needing.

Start choosing you—now.

Make It Yours

Drink the water.

Go to the store.

Get the rosemary, mint, and key limes.

Make your water fancy. Call it spa water.

Buy a flask or thermos cup you love. One with a straw.

Take it everywhere. Sip with every breath.

Remind yourself:

Your existence matters.

This is for you.

Hydrate and nourish you like your life depends on it—because it does.

And beyond that?

Because it grows your self-trust → belief → self-efficacy → and finally… all the self-motivation you could ever want.

Move How You Want

Move your body, baby, in whatever way feels good.

Don't wanna lift weights with the boys? Don't.

Do what you wanna do.

And if you don't know?

Let this be your chance to explore.

I've danced all kinds of dance.

LOVED aerial and pole.

Played sports.

Took up yoga, spin, and Zumba.

Twerked.

Swayed in bed, side to side—just to remind myself:

I'm here.

I'm still alive.

And I got me—like nobody’s got me.

Now you're doing it for the right reasons.

Because you remember you're important, too.

Don't let the world trick you into thinking otherwise.

You. Are. Everything.

Take a sip.

Sing a toast.

To you. 💛